


Just Love Me

by tommywolly



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Robin: Son of Batman (Comics)
Genre: Batman - Freeform, Damian Wayne - Freeform, Death, Other, Overdose, Protective big brothers, Robin - Freeform, Suicide, kill
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-07
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:15:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27435688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tommywolly/pseuds/tommywolly
Summary: Damian commits suicide thinking it will solve all his family’s problems. When in fact, it doesn’t
Comments: 7
Kudos: 52





	Just Love Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> .

_I once thought it was impossible to feel alone. I mean, how could I? I'm surrounded by people. I wouldn't say I've had it that hard. But then again, why else would I be sitting here with these thoughts? These... thoughts that won't leave me alone. These thoughts that have driven me insane the past few months. The first time I had learnt about the subject, the_ _very first moment that began this string of events was when it had come up during a conversation between Grayson and Todd. I was in the background spectating, as always. They talked about what they would do if they died right there and then. It was more of a lighthearted joke between them as they were bored. Grayson said he would watch over everyone for a while before going up to heaven or being reincarnated. Todd spat something about reincarnation being a myth and we were all going to hell. Then he said he would live forever, he would end up killing himself before he let anyone else kill him. Grayson laughed. Of course he would. There's nothing in this world that could faze Dick Grayson. He's all teethy smiles and rainbows. And plus, he knew Jason was only joking._

_The next time it came up was in a movie I was being forced to watch. Grayson nags me for a 'movie night' every single Friday without fail. Tt. Pathetic. He even makes popcorn and sometimes orders pizza. He would cancel dates with Kori- or Barbara- or whoever he was seeing at the time. I lost count at this point. But I know he's only doing it because he feels pity for me. Because I have no one. No friends, not that I want them anyways. The only person who considers themselves my friend is Kent. Oh, and Wilkes. That ginger idiot. They won't miss me though. They only hang out with me for the same reason Grayson does. They sympathise me. Tt._

Cool, crisp air filled the room, the familiar icy scent of Gotham engulfed Damian. He tapped his knee nervously with two fingers. The balcony doors were wide open as he watched the stars from his bedroom. His gaze travelled to the field of a garden, all decorated with perfectly carved bushes. Although, the ones Damian had previously mangled with his katana stood out quite clearly. He was cold. But he didn't feel the need to put a jumper on or shut the doors. He wouldn't feel cold soon anyways. He wouldn't feel anything.

People, specifically fans, say they'd do anything to be Robin. Or be the son of a rich, powerful business man like Bruce Wayne. I have the perfect life. Or atleast that's what other people see.

He sat on his bed and reached into his bedside cabinet drawer and pulled out a bottle of pills. His eyesbrows ruffled together annoyed. What was he doing? I am truly pathetic.

_Maybe that's just what I want them to see. A perfect life. A perfect son. A perfect brother. A perfect Robin. Mother will be be so disappointed when she learns how weak I am. Being weak is unacceptable. She'll be glad I'm gone. She'll just seduce another superhero and replace me. Drake, he'll be ecstatic. I'm doing what he always told me to do, I'm leaving. I'm pretending I never existed. He can go back to being Robin, and the youngest of the family. He's hated me since day one. I wish I could see the smile on his face when he finds out I'm dead._

He took a deep breath before popping the lid off the bottle. He bit his lip conflicted as he poured the contents into his palm. Blue and white pills looked back at him. His stomach churned anxiously. Was he doing the right thing? Yes. No backing out. Don't be a pussy. The one right thing you'll do in your life is ending it. Just kill yourself.

Those are the words that came directly from Drake's mouth. It was a Tuesday evening and the boys had had a long, tiring night of patrolling. Damian didn't mind patrolling when he was with Nightwing. But this time they had been split up, and Robin was put with Red Robin. Tim originally threw a hissy fit at Batman when first discovering this news. He preferred to work alone, or with Todd, or literally anyone else but Damian. He eventually got told to deal with it if he wanted to not get banned from patrol for the rest of the week. He agreed to work with Damian but he was not happy about it. Twenty minutes in and the pair had already had atleast 30 verbal arguments along with 3 fist fights. Nobody was seriously injured during the physical fights but they got the point across to eachother. Drake was highly focused on searching for a special red wire he had to clip, in order to disable the alarm system of a building they were trying to get into. He was holding his torch in his mouth since his hands were taken up by his tools and definitely did not need to be disturbed.  
"Can you hurry up? You've been staring at them damn wires all night." said Damian. Tim groaned as he lost the wire thanks to Damian's voice. He ignored him and continued picking at the electric box. He got a hold of the red one again and was millimetres away from cutting it.  
"I could've done this in 10 seconds." Damian scoffed.  
Tim jumped startled, losing the wire again.  
"Robin. Shut up. I'm busy." he glared, slowly losing his patience.  
"Tt. Just let me do it." he stepped forward but Tim pushed him back. "It's dangerous. These wires are very-" but Damian wouldn't take no for an answer and snatched the scissors from Tim's hand. The pull made Tim move and he touched the exposed wire with his finger. The pain from the shock sent an adrenaline rush to Tim's brain and he stood up furiously and grabbed Damian by the throat. "You fucking idiot! Why can't you ever just do as your told!" he yelled, anger taking over him.  
Damian stared back at his angry brother in annoyance- but also a hint of confusion and nervousness. "It's not my fault your skills lack so tremendously that you can't even clip a flimsy wire. Honestly, and you wonder why Nightwing replaced you."  
That sentence triggered Tim even further and he kneed his younger brother in the stomach forcefully before shoving him. Damian landed on his back winded, only several inches away from the edge of the building roof. He palmed his stomach and coughed trying to breathe.  
"God knows how Bruce puts up with you! Why he took you in in the first place is beyond me. Just do us all a favour and kill yourself before I do!" he screamed infuriated. He calmed down and said something else after that but Damian couldn't concentrate on his words.

Damian shut his eyes and poured the pills into his mouth.

_I've pretended to be okay for so long. It's easier that way. Easier than telling the truth. Being judged and ridiculed. Being made to feel isolated and secluded. Made to feel like I'm weak. But the truth is, I'm at a point in my life where I'm tired of pretending. I'm tired of feeling alone. I'm tired of being the one that doesn't fit in. Tired of living. When I'm gone, people are gonna talk. They're gonna say I'm just looking for attention. What gives me the right to feel depressed? But see, that's the funny thing about depression. It doesn't give a fuck what you think._

Tears streaming down his soft brown skin, Damian picked up his glass of water and took a sip.

_I've tried to come up with alternative ways to heal. Something that isn't taking myself from this world completely. But what can I do? It's not like I can talk to anyone about it. There was one time. I was very close to tipping over the edge. Me and Dick were alone. "Grayson?" I asked._  
_"What's up Lil D?" his eyes were still glued to the screen of the bat computer._  
_"Can I talk to you for a second?"_  
_He kept typing. "Of course. What are big brothers for?"_  
_I smiled, I had hope. Something I haven't felt in a long time. I sat on the edge of the desk._  
_"Before you think less of me, I just want to explain-"_  
_"Hold that thought." Dick said as his phone began buzzing. He picked it up, "Hey Babs." he blushed. "You're wearing what?"_  
_Dick cleared his throat and glanced at me. "We'll talk later okay?"_  
_"It's kind of important."_  
_"Damian, I'm on the phone right now. It'll have to wait."_  
_Well, there goes my last bubble of hope._

Damian gagged a little as he swallowed the pills.

_Maybe I should leave a note. So they don't blame themselves. Would they even care? They probably won't even look at it. Grayson might. He won't get upset over it though. Again, he only hangs out with me because he pity's me. He doesn't see me as a brother. He doesn't love me as a brother. He doesn't love me like he loves Todd and Drake. I'm just a person who lives in his house. It's the same with Todd, he's never bothered to get to know me. No. I won't write one. But what if they get questioned? They shouldn't be antagonised just because I took some pills._

Damian put the rest of the pills in his mouth and swallowed them with another swill of water. If he wanted to write a note he had to act fast. He stood up and made his way to his desk. He opened his journal and ripped a blank page out before grabbing a pen and quickly scribbling down some words. As he was writing, he began to feel hot. His breathes became faster and heavier and he had to hold himself up against the desk. Come on... just a few more words.  
Sweat gathered on his forehead and down his back.  
He dropped the pen as he no longer had the energy to hold it. Damian let out a pained moan and he clenched his stomach. It's hurts. He paced back and forwards anxiously fanning himself.

His whole face and neck were drenched with sweat now and he gulped hard.

"Why have I got to get him?" Tim groaned, dropping his fork against the china plate.  
Dick sighed. "Tim. I won't ask you again. Go and get your brother."  
Tim looked at Jason, "He's right there."  
"Your other one."  
"I don't know where he is." he took another bite from the dinner Alfred prepared for them.

Damian slid down the wall, moaning in agonising pain. He was hyperventilating and every time he breathed it just hurt more. He hunched over and emptied some of the contents of his stomach up on the floor. He could feel his body doing its best to get out whatever was disturbing his insides.

"He'll be in his room," said Jason. "That's where the brat hides all the dead bodies."  
"Shut up Jason." Dick glared at him. "Tim, please. For me?"  
Tim's groan filled the hall and he pushed his chair away from the table. "Fine. I'll go collect the demon."  
he spat.  
"Thankyou Timmy."

Damian was now on his stomach, crying into the floorboards. Make it stop. He screamed in pain and pulled his hair. Everything hurts.

Tim's finger felt the walls patterns as he walked down the Manor's corridors. He whistled to himself glancing at the family portraits he passed. He slowed down to admire one that was taken just a few weeks ago. The facial expressions on them all really showed a lot. Dick's blessed, charmed smile, Jason's suspicious smirk. His own face was plastered with awkwardness and Damian's frown as if the situation was just an inconvenience. Tim chuckled to himself and continued his walk until he was outside Damian's room. The door was shut, which didn't surprise anyone. He'd always been so secretive.  
"Brat." he said. "Dick asked me to summon you for dinner." he leaned against the door frame waiting for a reply. "Hey, demon." he called a little louder and knocked repulsively on the door. He's being ridiculous. He turned the door knob then kicked the door open with his foot.  
"Brat I'm talking to-" Tim's heart stopped at the sight before him. His stomach dropped and his whole body froze in place.

_It's crazy. It's crazy how fast things can change. People that were once your everything one day, become merely distant memories the next. Have you ever thought that if one thing hadn't happened, then a whole set of other things wouldn't have either? Time is like dominoes- a single event kicked off an unstoppable series of changes that gained momentum and spun out of control, and nothing was ever the same again. Some may take advantage of this, and doubt a mere second can change your entire life._

"Damian..." he whispered.  
The younger boy was sprawled out on his back in the middle of the room, white substance frothing from his mouth. Tim stepped forward, still in shock. "Damian!" he snapped out of it and ran to his brothers side. "D-Damian wake up!"  
He pulled Damian up into his lap and shook him violently. "Wake the fuck up! Stop fucking around!"  
He placed two shaky fingers to Damian's throat and felt for a pulse. "No no no no." he cursed. "Dick! Jason!" he screamed, tears now streaming down his face.  
"Someone!"

Dick ran in, followed closely by Jason. Both wore concerned expressions. "Tim what's-"  
Richard looked down at the limp form in Tim's arms.  
Ignoring the overwhelming psychotic feeling inside him, he ran to them and got on his knees. He ripped Damian from Tim's arms and laid him on the ground flat. "Damian. Damian talk to me." he lightly patted his cheek.  
"H-He's not breathing a-and there's no pulse." Tim cried, voice cracking like crazy.  
Jason hovered over them with horror on his face, eyeing the empty pill bottle on his bed. "He overdosed." he mumbled. "He killed himself."

Tim broke down harder. Trying to hold himself together, Dick rolled Damian to his side and stuck two fingers down the younger ones throat.  
Tim sobbed, "That's not gonna work! He's already-"  
Dick wasted no time before rolling Damian onto his back and starting chest compressions.  
"Come on Dami." he muttered. "Stay with me. I got you. You're okay."  
Keeping focus on the lifeless boy below him, Dick said calmly, "Jason. Go get the first aid kit. There should be a resuscitation kit."  
Jason nodded through his nervousness and ran out.

"Wake him up Dick!" Tim yelled.  
"He will. He will." Dick pushed harder on Damians chest. "Come on."  
Something wet splashed on Damians cheek and it didn't take Dick long to realise he was crying. No. He couldn't let himself lose it right now. He had to save his baby brother. "Come on! Fuck!" he stopped compressions and leant down to give Damian three rescue breaths. He quickly resumed pumping Damians heart when he was done. "1, 2, 3.." he counted.

Jason ran back into the room and knelt down by the boys and unpacked the resuscitation kit. "Hang in there Lil D. You're not going that easy." he took out two gel pads. "Dick stop. This will bring him back."  
"I'm bringing him back!" he sobbed.  
"We don't have time for this Dick!" Jason shoved Dick off Damian and quickly cut open Damians black turtleneck. He then placed the two gel pads on either side of Damians chest. "Stay back." Jason pressed a button and Damians body jumped up then back down again. "Wake up brat." spat Jason.  
Meanwhile Dick was losing hope and felt himself going crazy. "No. No no no." he crawled back from the body and pressed his back up against the wall.

Jason pressed the button again then checked for a pulse. "Fucks sake!" he yelled and ripped off the pads. "Come back to me you piece of shit!" he slapped Damians cheek hard and took over chest compressions. He didn't realise how rough he was being until he felt a crack underneath the boys warm brown skin.

"You're hurting him." said Tim.

"I'm saving his life."

“What are they doing?” asked Damian, watching his brothers from above.  
“They’re trying to save you.” a voice said.  
“But why?”  
“Because they love you, dear.”  
Damian frowned. “I thought they’d be happy. I’ve never seen Drake cry before.”

“Do you want to go back?”  
Damian turned around but couldn’t find the source of the voice. It was just black. “I can go back?”  
“Only if you want to.”  
Damian glanced at his struggling brothers. “And what if I don’t?” he asked, but got no reply. “Hey, I asked you a question.” I guess sarcasm doesn’t work in heaven.

“I...” he watched Jason stop compressions and hold Damian close to him. Tim must’ve left because he was nowhere to be seen. And Grayson was rocking himself back and forward against the wall. He looks crazy.  
“I think I’ve made a mistake.” he muttered.  
“You hear that? I wanna go back! Ask me the question again!” he yelled. “Let me out of here!” he dropped to his knees and banged floor where his brothers were, trying to get their attention. “Jason! Dick! Help me!” he sniffled.

He felt fuzzy and looked at his hands. They were slowly disappearing. “What’s happening?!” he cried.

“Father!”

**Author's Note:**

> thankyou for reading!! i was originally going to make this a one shot about my bby boi but im going to do a part 2 about the aftermath if this goes well. so yeah! also this fanfic is inspired by the short film ‘I’m Here Too’ you can watch it on youtube.


End file.
